tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64851214842763896272024-03-13T13:00:32.429-07:00britta is an assholebritta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-27537688401659620152011-01-21T18:33:00.000-08:002011-01-21T19:08:08.706-08:00"The Story of Johnny Head-In-The Air and His Lawyer" with a side order of schadenfreude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b style="font-size: x-large;">it's almost impossible to believe this, but i kid you not, my little kittens. </b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b style="font-size: x-large;"></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't care if you don't like cats, i'm not literally calling you a cat. it's meant as a term of endearment, so don't get all put out over it. it's a compliment.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">why are you such an asshole?</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>_______________________________________________</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b>part one:</b></span> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b><br />
</b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">so, this all starts with a really stupid, litigious, woman, who has inexplicably made the news in the last couple of days. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">she was texting while walking in a shopping mall and walked right into a large decorative water fountain. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">this wasn't an unfortunate accident! nobody pushed her on purpose or otherwise. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">she's a grown woman and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">it was her <i>own</i> willful neglect of her <i>own</i> safety that caused this. if you're <i>that</i> stupid, and <i>that</i> unaware of your surroundings, don't leave the house without protective gear. better yet, take a helper with you or just stay home.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u><b>free safety lesson: this part is serious.</b></u></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="background-color: yellow;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS!</u></span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><u style="background-color: yellow;"><br />
</u></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="background-color: yellow;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span>walking into fountains is the least of your worries when you're not aware of <i>who</i> and <i>what</i> is around you. there are real life human predators out there, just waiting for easy pickings like this. you might as well have a target on your back. i'm saying this to men too, but, unfortunately, ladies happen to be at a higher risk for violent attacks (sexual or otherwise). </b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i've <i>seen</i> quite a few serious injuries and <i>had</i> a couple of my very own. i'm not claiming to have any medical expertise, but life experience has taught me, that when you're seriously hurt, you don't get up and walk away, while doing an almost 360 degree survey of the area, as you're simultaneously climbing out of the water. she looked a lot more concerned about her bruised ego, than any bruised body parts. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></div></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">she wants to sue the mall, because some people (specifically security), laughed at her stupidity. she didn't stop there though. oh no! she practically advertised how stupid she was all over the media, opening herself up to a hell of a lot more laughter, and then had the nerve to be shocked that many did not sympathize with her! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">her feelings were hurt. that's all. she wants money, because her feelings were hurt. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">that's ridiculous! you don't deserve a windfall (or would it be a mall-fall in this case), for that.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i refuse to join her pity party. she's an asshole!</span></span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">there are, of course, no shortage of lawyers, ready and willing to step in and help her out. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(calm down, my warm and fuzzy little legal eagles; she has apparently already settled on one.)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">whether she winds up actually needing a criminal defense lawyer or civil attorney (or both) remains to be seen, but i'm not going to get any deeper into that part of her tale, as it still seems to be developing and i feel myself starting to stray off topic. some of the legal issues are brushed upon in the first video of her, which is from a news report.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>news report with woman in question and her lawyer: </b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">they've disabled the embedding, so you have to look at this part on youtube.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>news report video: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60DRqlUYDRk">click here</a></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>security-cam video of woman falling into shopping mall fountain while texting aka the schadenfreude portion:</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='520' height='466' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/mg11glsBW4Y?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>part two:</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the first thought that came to my mind when i saw her story was <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">"Die Geschichte von Hans Guck-in-die-Luft" (english translation: The Story of Johnny Head-In-The Air").</span></span></div></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"></span>she is one person who i think could have benefited greatly from the frightening childhood tale that i am about to share with you. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i grew up with a german childern's book called "Struwwelpeter" (english translation: Shock Headed Peter). if you're not familiar with this now semi-legendary literary masterpiece, let me give you a brief overview here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">originally written in german by heinrcih hoffmann in 1845;</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> it is </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">basically, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">a collection of cautionary children's tales. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> just in case the carefully worded prose of his tales were not sufficient to help sink the message of terror into your kid's soft, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">stupid, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">little, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">skull all by itself, he also filled it </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">chock full of some of the most beautifully gruesome illustrations ever put to paper</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> a book for children that has been scaring (and scarring) the shit out of them (or helping them hold they're feces in, if they happen to be the anal retentive type.), </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">for 166 years</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">don't get me wrong, there </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">are</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> some very useful tips for the unworldly and uninitiated young human, specifically surrounding the subjects of the <i>most</i> elementary laws of physics. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i was under the impression that these lessons were generally learned by a combination of trial and error and the helpful advice of your wonderful parents. if you still refuse to learn, or are just unable to learn, that you, as a human, do not happen possess the power to bend time/space/gravity etc. at your will, then here's the book for you! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i personally wouldn't recommend stories that end with the worst possible scenarios as a primer for my kids. then again, i don't have kids, so who am i to speak on such subjects. i just know how it affected me.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the forceful, nightmarish way that these lessons were told and illustrated... well, let's just say this, i'm sure i'm not the first person to mention this book in a therapy session or two.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">please, also note, that this is probably the least gruesome of all the tales in this book, it was just the most appropriate for this post.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">part two addendum:</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">if you'd like your own brand new, physical copy of this great coffee table, conversation starter piece (great for a first date, boring party, nosy landlord, etc), please visit the beautiful bill shafer at <a href="http://hyaenagallery.com/">hyaenagallery.com</a> and he'll take care of you.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> you can shop with him online or visit the shop/gallery in burbank, ca.. just click the link above and the magic will follow... </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">there is a lot of phenomenal original art all over that place too!</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">ok. enough with the plugs for my pals. here's the story:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/001.jpg" width="280" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<h3 style="margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">"The Story of Johnny Head-in-Air" </span></h3><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/023-t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="188" src="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/023-t.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">As he trudged along to school,<br />
It was always Johnny's rule<br />
To be looking at the sky<br />
And the clouds that floated by;<br />
But what just before him lay,<br />
In his way,<br />
Johnny never thought about;<br />
So that every one cried out<br />
"Look at little Johnny there,<br />
Little Johnny Head-In-Air!"<br />
<br />
Running just in Johnny's way<br />
Came a little dog one day;<br />
Johnny's eyes were still astray<br />
Up on high,<br />
In the sky;<br />
And he never heard them cry<br />
"Johnny, mind, the dog is nigh!"<br />
Bump!<br />
Dump!<br />
Down they fell, with such a thump,<br />
Dog and Johnny in a lump!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/023-b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/023-b.jpg" width="285" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/024.jpg" width="169" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">Once, with head as high as ever,<br />
Johnny walked beside the river.<br />
Johnny watched the swallows trying<br />
Which was cleverest at flying.<br />
Oh! what fun!<br />
Johnny watched the bright round sun<br />
Going in and coming out;<br />
This was all he thought about.<br />
So he strode on, only think!<br />
To the river's very brink,<br />
Where the bank was high and steep,<br />
And the water very deep;<br />
And the fishes, in a row,<br />
Stared to see him coming so.<br />
One step more! oh! sad to tell!<br />
Headlong in poor Johnny fell.<br />
And the fishes, in dismay,<br />
Wagged their tails and swam away.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/025-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="289" src="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/025-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">There lay Johnny on his face,<br />
With his nice red writing-case;<br />
But, as they were passing by,<br />
Two strong men had heard him cry;<br />
And, with sticks, these two strong men</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hooked poor Johnny out again.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/025-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/images/025-2.jpg" width="315" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">Oh! you should have seen him shiver</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">When they pulled him from the river.<br />
He was in a sorry plight!<br />
Dripping wet, and such a fright!<br />
Wet all over, everywhere,<br />
Clothes, and arms, and face, and hair:<br />
Johnny never will forget<br />
What it is to be so wet.<br />
<br />
And the fishes, one, two, three,<br />
Are come back again, you see;<br />
Up they came the moment after,<br />
To enjoy the fun and laughter.<br />
Each popped out his little head,<br />
And, to tease poor Johnny, said<br />
"Silly little Johnny, look,<br />
You have lost your writing-book!"</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>part three:</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">several years ago, i became aware of a very different, and quite brilliant band, called the <a href="http://www.tigerlillies.com/">tiger lillies</a>, who put on a whole musical show, based on all of the stories in this book. here's a video that includes a live version of 'snip snip', which also happens to be the story that scared me most of all. it still does.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>The Tiger Lillies - "Snip Snip"</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='520' height='466' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/OinwHOZ2Erw?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>part four - wrapping this up:</b></span> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i have so much more to say about all of the other issues that this whole ridiculous display raises about our </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">collective sense of arrogance, entitlement, and devolution into textbook sociopaths, but i tried really hard to stick with my original idea here. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">that is, to compare this incident with a great/horrible children's book and to turn y'all on to a beautiful band of artists called the </span><a href="http://www.tigerlillies.com/" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">tigerlillies</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, a great writer named mark ebner; creator of "<a href="http://www.hollywoodinterrupted.com/">Hollywood Interrupted</a>" (he inadvertently made me aware of this watery mess by posting a video).</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>i chose to use the english translation here, since the 10 or 12 readers that i have are mostly english speaking.</b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;">however, the english translated source includes the same disturbing illustrations </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;">as the coveted </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;">german one </span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;">that i still have sitting on my bookshelf </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;">from my childhood.</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><br />
</b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>i have also included a link to the entire book (english translation) <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/12116-h.htm">here</a>, for your amusement, horror, </b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>or anthropological studies.</b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-53095160751510011712011-01-11T14:54:00.000-08:002011-01-11T14:54:28.533-08:00balance...i dedicate this to all of the hard workers out there, either currently working or still looking for work. <br />
<br />
the worst that could happen is that we could all die in a cloud of radioactive dust. the best part... we'd all be dead! then none of this shit will have mattered anyway.<br />
ahhhh... the circle of life. : )<br />
<br />
this song represents the small amount of hope that i still have left for humanity. i also thought that i should balance the vitriol of my last bit of commentary with just a sprinkle of something that includes some neutral qualities.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/98P-gu_vMRc/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/98P-gu_vMRc&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="520" height="466" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/98P-gu_vMRc&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-10878067833910079802011-01-11T14:40:00.000-08:002011-01-11T14:40:43.738-08:00hopelessness...i dedicate this to most of the international corporate world. you may be fooling most of the people, but you're not fooling me. i know you know that you're not fooling me. i also know that you couldn't care less either way.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">well, FUCK YOU! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">unfortunately, this all i can think of to do about any of it right now. how pathetic. </div><div><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">(yeah, i know those people aren't reading this, but i have to scream somewhere).</div><br />
i have another song coming up next, for the poor schmucks that have to clean up after those entitled shits. i have nothing but empathy for you. i am you.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>this is also a damn good song.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/hTDcKcMSoiI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-29732164435197788062011-01-10T19:53:00.000-08:002011-01-10T19:53:26.025-08:00this is great.thank you, Xtine VonNockelstein for this wonderful video that you found and shared. i love her (xtine's) art, but can't find her website at the momemnt. go to www.hyaenagallery.com to see some of her brilliance.<br />
<br />
in the meantime; watch this video that she found on you tube:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/l3HLQlW_jwM/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/l3HLQlW_jwM&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/l3HLQlW_jwM&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-19646946642932290092011-01-06T19:27:00.000-08:002011-01-06T19:27:01.706-08:00i don't care...<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/PBscUYI7ZWw?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/PBscUYI7ZWw?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-21549085840609250762011-01-05T23:58:00.000-08:002011-01-06T00:03:22.605-08:00i love this video almost as much as i love music. without music, i would die.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/MT2L2TwD0pc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-34367292207904733582010-12-12T21:46:00.000-08:002010-12-12T21:50:48.649-08:00BURLINGTON CUNT FACTORY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">concept: Dave Weinstein - <a href="http://chitchatwithdave.com/">chitchatwithdave.com</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">design : Jimmy Lee Wirt - <a href="http://coloringbookland.com/">coloringbookland.com</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">art direction: britta</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGQpD7NyX7WEC_1dEA3Q-ub9ZmCyQ3AExyOty0u2uoFfvMnZAr8wVnBAhZUax76lj3qalvSk7CfBH_OiNeCSd-O_bWoUXPZ5yF_kHsX8Y7bolHjL64QoSo_69E2HbQmTqVAtBiNbFQPGs/s1600/burlingtoncuntfactory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="405" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGQpD7NyX7WEC_1dEA3Q-ub9ZmCyQ3AExyOty0u2uoFfvMnZAr8wVnBAhZUax76lj3qalvSk7CfBH_OiNeCSd-O_bWoUXPZ5yF_kHsX8Y7bolHjL64QoSo_69E2HbQmTqVAtBiNbFQPGs/s640/burlingtoncuntfactory.jpg" width="620" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-25888797550052482082010-12-12T20:03:00.001-08:002010-12-12T20:03:16.384-08:00smile everybody, smile!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBkRTGBdyjHlR9LnCZ4c8H3MJdBafwhbAnMt64Q85o-2zHza19RJVAV4J6E_etsKi3-woABtfWd8mRsNOAwj6U78V3QPAbYMWtlEiVU_4HmGdURX1SoIObL_JR46INIALpoO-8ggP88rE/s1600/gilligansfantasy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBkRTGBdyjHlR9LnCZ4c8H3MJdBafwhbAnMt64Q85o-2zHza19RJVAV4J6E_etsKi3-woABtfWd8mRsNOAwj6U78V3QPAbYMWtlEiVU_4HmGdURX1SoIObL_JR46INIALpoO-8ggP88rE/s1600/gilligansfantasy.jpg" /></a></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-28828157663338785722010-12-12T19:59:00.001-08:002010-12-12T19:59:05.418-08:00fuck you, britta!! by big tasty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">for more art by big tasty, and many other great artists: <a href="http://hyaenagallery.com/">hyaenagallery.com</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1z6nkbvQzj9Zi40j8fxFypwJMdRq6woThJ0_JLbqPV0aWUSt4VPRvIEWQ3ck1ux0DWAJosbasv7mo2I2U3h_SsTfdCYZSQJ9r-Lz3jRpN2w2GZqZzBLgf3Patyfu08PbO6Us8TNAT-LA/s1600/fuck+you+britta.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1z6nkbvQzj9Zi40j8fxFypwJMdRq6woThJ0_JLbqPV0aWUSt4VPRvIEWQ3ck1ux0DWAJosbasv7mo2I2U3h_SsTfdCYZSQJ9r-Lz3jRpN2w2GZqZzBLgf3Patyfu08PbO6Us8TNAT-LA/s1600/fuck+you+britta.jpg" /></a></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-61302198915079305432010-12-12T19:40:00.000-08:002010-12-12T19:41:54.841-08:00CUTE CATS PLAYING<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/km20kv-oU3I?fs=1" width="425"></iframe></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-87804484399029027952010-11-08T23:49:00.000-08:002010-11-08T23:49:23.930-08:00life is unfair...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjufV2euKw17X_mDb5AYTbIaEOGGQOOB8UHIGAOgIe4aik2K7mkRAlyIn7ubuZry_AJe_eeAGXJE8fHhuxrJ01Y4V9RTg_PEaQlVtJ5KEATu7xt6rhd9ovBzq7l7LnCwVd3ndUthdWFj5Y/s1600/malcolmxinthemiddle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjufV2euKw17X_mDb5AYTbIaEOGGQOOB8UHIGAOgIe4aik2K7mkRAlyIn7ubuZry_AJe_eeAGXJE8fHhuxrJ01Y4V9RTg_PEaQlVtJ5KEATu7xt6rhd9ovBzq7l7LnCwVd3ndUthdWFj5Y/s1600/malcolmxinthemiddle.jpg" /></a></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-46241813923611581442010-11-08T22:48:00.000-08:002010-11-08T22:49:03.569-08:00i can't fight this feeling anymore...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuX6craKHFFaY6bqNecI7Fs7p24EbFQf9QGzJVGzXOuTWX1TAH4fg7Mxxby8zdqPQfEC8-aCEUT7LQjzL19_8mkUdNbGAhd0_Pn9SOmGJd3ibdBXEQuX_Bz9hdavbBr7ca7PLe0SDJez4/s1600/oreospeedwagon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuX6craKHFFaY6bqNecI7Fs7p24EbFQf9QGzJVGzXOuTWX1TAH4fg7Mxxby8zdqPQfEC8-aCEUT7LQjzL19_8mkUdNbGAhd0_Pn9SOmGJd3ibdBXEQuX_Bz9hdavbBr7ca7PLe0SDJez4/s640/oreospeedwagon.jpg" width="620" /></a></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-79168885842268896612010-11-05T20:07:00.000-07:002010-11-05T20:31:05.826-07:00mama grizzly<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR3omOzLG_JR0H82nMVw52Rzr6zqd4cV7KVLAxoBMKwRmquo47nnpeOzZP4K3SdXVvYCgJuzxlEKluY_nhZUwAWVx_AUo3zij8LLSpwjaTOiyfIsmKMQqmt9s4kt06PWtC4rG59T7I5-g/s1600/mama_grizzly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR3omOzLG_JR0H82nMVw52Rzr6zqd4cV7KVLAxoBMKwRmquo47nnpeOzZP4K3SdXVvYCgJuzxlEKluY_nhZUwAWVx_AUo3zij8LLSpwjaTOiyfIsmKMQqmt9s4kt06PWtC4rG59T7I5-g/s1600/mama_grizzly.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-3767237960368823942010-10-22T18:02:00.000-07:002010-10-23T13:02:29.621-07:00a new friend!From: UPS Services <federal@usps.com><br />To: bme*****@yahoo.com<br />Sent: Wed, October 20, 2010 10:45:33 PM<br />Subject: USPS Delivery Problem NR0445193<br /><br />Good afternoon.<br /><br />Your parcel has arrived at the post office on October 15.<br />Our Driver was unable to deliver the parcel to your address.<br />To receive a parcel you must go to the nearest UPS office and show your mailing label.<br />You need to print mailing label, and show it in UPS office to receive the<br />parcel.<br /><br />Thank you.<br />UPS Services.</federal@usps.com><div><federal@usps.com><br /></federal@usps.com></div><div><federal@usps.com><br /></federal@usps.com></div><div><federal@usps.com><br /></federal@usps.com></div><div><federal@usps.com><br /></federal@usps.com></div><div><federal@usps.com><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; ">Dearest Friend,<br /><br />Oh boy! I hope this is about the parcel full of pornography that I ordered from<br />the great country of Germany last month!<br /><br />I'm so relieved that you wrote to me about this! I was about ready to call UPS<br />and the Post Office to find out what happened to that package, but I was<br />concerned that it had been intercepted by the FBI, so I decided to wait a little<br />longer before investigating. I really didn't want those agents snooping around<br />my house again. They always leave such a mess and they're so rude!<br /><br />I'm having trouble downloading the label from your email. Can you please resend<br />it? My computer suddenly started acting all weird. I'm having to write<br />this to you from my 2nd pornography computer and I don't like to write emails<br />from this one, because the letters on the keyboard are so sticky.<br /><br />Why couldn't the package be delivered to my home? Is the driver okay? Did<br />something happen to him? I hope he didn't get into an accident. Will somebody<br />be taking over his route? Could that person bring the package to me? I don't<br />leave the house anymore, because there is just too much temptation out there.<br />I can't afford to fall into Satan's clutches again. I learned my lesson after<br />the third time, and how! I really hate the FBI!<br /><br />Come to think of it; if the mailman got into an accident, I'm glad. He's a real<br />jerk and I don't care what happens to him. He's always looking at me<br />suspiciously and making rude comments about my N.A.M.B.L.A. newsletters. The<br />nerve of some people! I thought this was a free country!<br /><br />However, if it's that new UPS driver, I will be very upset. I really like him.<br />I think he lied about his age to get his job, because he sure looks like he's<br />14 years old to me (I won't tell on him though, it'll be our secret). His<br />facial hair looks about as soft as a Georgia peach and he always calls me<br />'dude'. It's so sexy! Please tell me that nothing has happened to him.<br />Please! I think he was on the verge of coming inside for a nice chat and a<br />cool glass of "lemonade". I just need a few more packages delivered by him and<br />I'm just sure that I can seal the deal.<br /><br />I can pay you to bring the package to me if you don't get a replacement driver<br />soon. I will make lunch for you too!<br />Just send me your bank account information and I will deposit $100 to your<br />account right away for your trouble.<br />My cats and I can't wait to meet you!<br /><br />Except for the Meals on Wheels guy, we haven't had many visitors since the last<br />mailman stopped showing up. I miss the touch of a supple young human against my<br />skin.<br /><br />You know, I've been looking for someone to rent the extra bedroom. You can be<br />my roommate! It would be like a slumber party every night!<br />How old are you? Can you send me a picture of yourself?<br />Oh, I just can't wait! I'll call Meals on Wheels right now and tell them to<br />double up on those meal deliveries. Your life is about to change for the<br />better, new friend!<br /><br />I hope you like tuna sandwiches. It's our favorite thing in the world, outside<br />of watching pornography. Often, we eat tuna sandwiches while watching<br />pornography, along with a few other activities, if you know what I mean. *wink<br />wink*<br /><br />Love forever,<br /><br />Brad<br /><br />P.S. I've included a couple of pictures of some my cats so you can get to know<br />them before we all live together. You don't need to bring anything with you. I<br />have everything you need right here and more. You'll never have to go outside<br />again! We're all very excited about you moving in with us. I have so much to<br />do to prepare for your arrival!<br /><br />P.P.S. Oh yeah, we're also very excited about the box of pornography! It took<br />me forever to find this stuff. Most of the places that I used to order from<br />have gone out of business. Some nonsense about "Megan's Law' or something like<br />that. I can't wait to show you my collection. You will be very impressed. I'm<br />going to go move the litter boxes out of your bedroom right away. Would you<br />mind if I just left 5 of them in your room? Some of the cats are very<br />particular about where they do their business and I don't want to inconvenience<br />them. They're very clever and they always get revenge if they think that you've<br />slighted them, but don't let that worry you. As long as you don't do anything<br />to upset them, you will be just fine.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifp4dIhje11vVgAfuktZxiYEVlZ5eZa9rCTz4aAyrP9Lohr8e5ZujLbSiafykoSHnlpJ_iOuFIufdFzaF-CZvkNXrJCOHLIxYJFzjrwDR_yTODlqp7l-TKFJfkVFLQRnJIuVAwu7lIT1s/s1600/cat+hoarding.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifp4dIhje11vVgAfuktZxiYEVlZ5eZa9rCTz4aAyrP9Lohr8e5ZujLbSiafykoSHnlpJ_iOuFIufdFzaF-CZvkNXrJCOHLIxYJFzjrwDR_yTODlqp7l-TKFJfkVFLQRnJIuVAwu7lIT1s/s320/cat+hoarding.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5531042452419518066" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyhRmMJDwDjGE-3oHk-latcGBenGafDU_JD_d6WMO6c4ztzfkkYv9eIMG1jCPlaDsCK-LpivSIdWZBSJc7FnYX0EIXMpoynuo9J1-k_zs0Wf3Enih90HJllzO3V42SlGFEqBa8iYv3PeI/s1600/Cat+Hoarding+(1).jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyhRmMJDwDjGE-3oHk-latcGBenGafDU_JD_d6WMO6c4ztzfkkYv9eIMG1jCPlaDsCK-LpivSIdWZBSJc7FnYX0EIXMpoynuo9J1-k_zs0Wf3Enih90HJllzO3V42SlGFEqBa8iYv3PeI/s320/Cat+Hoarding+(1).jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5531041991727879570" /></a><br /><br /></span></federal@usps.com></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">unfortunately, my response was kicked back by the mailer daemon. i'm crushed.</span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></i></span></b></span></div>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485121484276389627.post-45092411191270207062007-09-11T16:50:00.001-07:002007-09-11T16:51:27.361-07:00happy 9/11!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQuU5Rh3mwqW_F9aN7GgQgXu4kg5RCnwICKLVsE46S2noPLCSL0cuSalhY69beLN6mxCBIXl3mnvN_MYMZ6VbOVXNgj5apAvEL6uaY7CdbQWXJn-9hgj1kqCDSiQbQbz9UKfJTTzlf7Ho/s1600-h/candles%2520copy.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQuU5Rh3mwqW_F9aN7GgQgXu4kg5RCnwICKLVsE46S2noPLCSL0cuSalhY69beLN6mxCBIXl3mnvN_MYMZ6VbOVXNgj5apAvEL6uaY7CdbQWXJn-9hgj1kqCDSiQbQbz9UKfJTTzlf7Ho/s400/candles%2520copy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109098439719871474" /></a>britta is an assholehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12837160536463468672noreply@blogger.com0